An Ode to Junior Year

Hey, old friend. It’s been a while.

Anyone who knows me well, knows that I love to write. It started back in 5th grade when I was published for the first (and hopefully not only) time for a diamante poem about ice cream (I think). That was the humble beginnings of what would later turn into a deep love for poetry, literature, and writing. Throughout high school I had several arenas for posting my writing, whether it was my notes app, Instagram accounts, or wixsites just like this one. My first ever site was called Writing in Grey Ink and it contained an assortment of poetry from my early high school days. I called it that because I remember pulling up Microsoft Word during class, turning the font to the lightest grey setting, and typing freely knowing that my peers around me wouldn’t be able to see. I was afraid of their judgement and the idea of sharing my most vulnerable thoughts with those I interacted with regularly. I feared what they would say or think of me if they knew how I truly felt about the world around me. At the time I was very insecure, especially when it came to my writing, but over the years I grew more and more comfortable sharing my works.

Once the pandemic shut down the world, I created Morgan’s Happy Moments as a second Instagram account, but I still found myself getting insecure when people would see my posts. After some time had passed, I felt that I had outgrown Instagram and wanted a place where I could write out my full thoughts with as much space as I wanted. That was when I created this blog. And while I’ve been entirely inconsistent in keeping up with it, I love having a time capsule of each moment in my life to look back on. Today, I am sitting on a bus driving through France, reflecting on my past writings and all that the past year since I’ve last posted has brought. Honestly, I was surprised at how similar I feel to my post from this time last year. I guess I was a lot more mature than I previously thought. But to some extent I was still incredibly naïve, and unaware of some events that would shape the following months and contribute to the person I am today.

I was unaware that I was experiencing an incredibly toxic relationship that impacted many of my friendships, my mental health, and my overall outlook on life. I was also unaware that the year ahead would be the best of my entire life.

In the final week of May 2022, I packed up my bags and moved eight hours away for my first ever summer away from home. I don’t think my family was too happy with my decision, but they supported me nonetheless. Little did I know that summer in Charlotte would change everything. I would get to spend those 10 weeks with my best friend in the world and grow even closer than I could have ever imagined. I would find the confidence to end my toxic relationship and begin healing, independent of the need for a man after two years of being a “girlfriend girl” in college. With the support of Catherine and her two hometown friends that soon became mine as well, I learned how to navigate those difficult feelings and find the joy in every moment that followed. But a lot of the work to heal was done silently, independently, and unknowingly. They say time heals all wounds, and as the next few months would show, it really is true. I spent that summer laughing, smiling, and playing more rounds of “he’s a ten but..” than I thought humanly possible. Catherine, Annabel, and Nora made my summer in Charlotte one that I will never forget and honestly, will be pretty hard to beat. (And by the way, I was wayyyy better off without that guy anyway)

The summer flew by as all summers do, and soon it was time to return to Columbia. I moved into my first college home, with a bedroom and a bathroom all to myself. We furnished the place from the ground up and it felt incredible to finally have something I could call my own. And though I struggled at times while trying to rebuild a lot of my impacted relationships, I found satisfaction in the intention I put in to better myself, my friendships, and my life. I also made some amazing new friends and found joy in the ever-changing nature of life. As I’ve said in many of my past blog posts: you haven’t met all of the people that are going to love you. And I hadn’t yet met many of the people that I was going to love. Catherine continued our family legacy of picking the most perfect little and just like that, we were no longer just a family of two. Our sweet Addie was everything we dreamed of: crazy in the right ways, fiercely kind, and always down for a good time. It made my heart happy to know that Catherine would be able to develop the same bond with Addie as I had formed with her, and Brenda Carole with me before that, and MK before that, and so on. As silly as sorority stuff can seem, I truly did luck out with the most incredible group of women to know and love throughout all of college and beyond. I also had the privilege of expanding my business fraternity family in taking my second little, Anna. Anna is one of those people that you meet and you don’t know how you lived before knowing her. She really does feel like me in another person. Speaking to her feels like the worst debate of all time because we never seem to disagree on anything. And obviously that works perfectly for me because I think I’m always right. At first, I worried how her and Catherine would mesh and if it would feel like I was ever playing favorites, but they are truly the most amazing little twins I could’ve ever imagined. Having them as a part of my life assures me that no matter what I do, college will have been a success simply because I knew them. As corny as it seems, I really do feel like a proud mom and I just love our happy little family. The fall semester was filled with so many unforgettable (and forgettable) nights alongside my best friends at a place that truly has become my home. I found myself falling in love with life again, for all of its ups and downs. And for the first time in a long time, I was really, truly happy. Not because of someone else, but because of who I was and who I knew I was becoming.

The spring came in the blink of an eye and passed in the same way. Again I found myself making friends I would have never expected. Joining Panhellenic Exec brought me to some of my new favorite people of all time. It’s weird to think that I went through two and half years of college without knowing them. I also found my amazing Recruitment Staff that make me giggle like no other and I just know will kick off my senior year on a high note. It truly is so fulfilling to not only enjoy what I’m doing, but also love the people I get to do it with. Spring semester was an exciting time filled with many new experiences like my first time abroad and my 21st birthday. I felt like I really did grow up and get out of my comfort zone. I’m currently writing this in one of the final days of my Maymester program, traveling throughout Belgium, France, and England. None of this could I have imagined a year ago. Spring semester was filled with nothing but happiness and gratitude, and I genuinely felt like I finally understood the role I played in creating my own happiness.

As you all know I love a good quote, so my recent mantra has been: your perception is your reality. It started when I heard about this psychology study that researched memory and perception. In the experiment, individuals were shown a blue paint swatch and asked to look at it for 30 seconds. The control group was placed into a 30 second waiting period before being presented with five paint swatches, all slightly varying in their shade. The treatment group was asked to describe the paint swatch for 30 seconds before being presented with the five swatches. Each group was then tasked to select the initial swatch out of the five from memory. The researcher found that the treatment group was 50% less likely to select the correct swatch compared to the control group. This is because the ways in which they described the paint swatch became their memory of it, rather than simply the color itself. In the same way, when we code events into our long-term memory, our brain remembers it as how we describe the event, rather than the events themselves. I know that was a lot of psychology for a random blog post, but if you think about it, it makes sense. The events in our lives are so complex, it’s impossible for our brain to truly remember every aspect in the long run. So, our memories become classified as overall happy, sad, etc. But what really stuck out to me about this study is the power of our words in influencing our perception of reality. If someone is asking me about my spring break trip and I choose to focus solely on the negative details like the long flight, the jet lag, etc., my brain is bound to remember it as a bad experience. But if instead I choose to focus on the good parts like reuniting with Sarah and exploring the beautiful country, it's a lot more likely that I’ll think back on it positively. This is all to say that I finally realized that I have the ability to control my happiness, not in the fact that bad things won’t still happen, but in how I react to them and continue forward.

The success of junior year was the product of resilience, a lot of good friends, and the constant reminder that I am in control of my happiness. I no longer feel like I am in an uphill battle against my mind and that the ball is out of my court. And because of that, I am happy. Truly, genuinely happy.

‘Til next time.